Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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