I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
