Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
