Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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