i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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