I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
