careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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