dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
