I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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