I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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