he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
