But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
