Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
