dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
