Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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