yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
