Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
