I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
time to smoke my breakfast
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
