she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
