Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
