I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
