"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
