I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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