I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
