we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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