Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
