It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
