Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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