It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
