i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
