i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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