I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
