Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I could fuck to npr.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
