How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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