So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
