just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
