is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
