Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
