Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
