I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
