Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
