why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
