i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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