Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
