Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
