he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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