I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
