One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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