I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
