She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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