I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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